springtime tbr

So I guess here I am with another tbr! I read half of the books on my winter one, but to be honest I'm too much of a mood reader to follow these things religiously anyway... 

But regardless, here's what I'm hoping to read for the springtime (moods permitting):

Currently Reading:

My mother picked up Good Omens for me for my birthday --and it's been pretty fun so far. I feel like if I was one of those people who had a basket of books in my bathroom for guests, this would definitely be in the selection, because it's quite enjoyable (although, let's be honest, I'm not going to be that person with the basket of books --no, I'm going to be that aunt with the leopard bra hanging on the back of the door for all the world to witness--these are my life aspirations).

Hoping to Read:

The first one I ordered this past weekend, and it's called The Good People. It's by the same author who wrote Burial Rites, which is the novel that broke me out of my depressive-two-year-no-reading spree. I'm really excited about this one, though! It takes place in Ireland I believe, and has some accusatory witchcraft in it, and I'm just really intrigued by it (I don't quite remember all the details of the synopsis). But I thoroughly enjoyed Hannah Kent's writing style, and I've recently discovered (er, more like realized), I really like Irish literature, or those that take place in Ireland, or anything with a touch of Irish to it. Who knew I'd love the Russians & Irish that much, I'm really just a content mess with my taste in books, haha.

The second one I'm hoping to get to is Sexing the Cherry by Jeanette Winterson. A girl on youtube I watch often (her name is Sophie C.) talks about J.W. a lot, and this was her top favorite book of 2016, I think. The summary seemed really interesting (and it had a cup of magical realism thrown in, too), and I found it on AbeBooks with such a pretty cover and such a pretty price that I couldn't not get it for my birthday month. And it's kind of on the short side (I forget how many pages), so it won't stress me out or intimidate me much.

The third is some Nabokov --the Luzhin Defense --, although I'm not entirely sure if I'll get to it this spring. Anything Russian-related seems to work up my anxiety, but hopefully I'll be able to push through it and enjoy it. I'll just have to breathe. (And the book's about chess, and it begins with a little boy becoming upset over the fact that he is old enough to be called Luzhin like his father --but that's his father's name and he is not his father so he couldn't be Luzhin and the boy puts up a fuss in his blankets on the train and oh I'm rambling but I liked the intro so much I don't know why I can't pick it up and read without stressing myself out).

And the fourth and final one (I think I'll work my tbr's in four's) might be one of the many books on my kindle. I have a habit of downloading the first pages of books just to take them for a test drive before I really commit, and I've got quite a collection going. So I might just choose one of the intros and take the leap. The possibilities include but are never limited to: The North Water by Ian McGuire, The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick, Gold Fame Citrus by Claire Vaye Watkins, or The Lake by Banana Yoshimoto, just to throw a few names out in the water.

Well there we have it, some ideas for the springtime; I've very recently come up with a writing project that I can hopefully start working on (Meggie even agreed to doing illustrations for it). So I think I should be pretty busy this season. c:
Well that's all for now!
Love, Lizzie. x

life update: Sunday

Today's been very good --which is usually unusual for a Sunday, but I'm very glad it happened. I got to knock some things off my bucket list today, too, but I'll get to that in a bit.

I don't know if this is even from March, but we're going to say it was. I also don't know if webcam photos are even a thing anymore, but that's fine fine fine with me.

It was my birthday month, and it's had some ups and downs and loop-de-loops, but as a whole I'd say it's been nice. Wore some girly outfits, did my eyes all nice, and I feel like I've been occupying me a little more than I used to, although there have still been some days where it hasn't been all daisies, which is okay.
This month has also had a lot of Snapple iced tea.

For my birthday (well, the Sunday after my birthday) Momma, Bill, & Hunter all came up and we had dinner at Old Chicago --went for a walk & stopped in the kitty cat bookshop (which is closing soon I'm so sad about it) where Momma couldn't really help herself, haha --and then we went on a quick walk through some bits of Durham, where we got ice creams and stuff. It was just a really good day. It's been awhile since I've had a birthday that I've really liked, or even got to properly celebrate.

I've also accumulated some books (figured I could treat myself during the whole month, not just that one day), and hopefully I'll be in the mood to read them soon. I've been feeling a lil' slumpish lately, but the weather's turning so I think I can kick back into it. I even ordered a book late this afternoon, too (whoops). I read The Little Prince in one day (the day I got it), and it was so sweet & I loved it so much & there's a new Netflix original movie based on it --it was cute, but not as cute as I was hoping it'd be. But it was still sweet, especially since I was sick in bed with a cold that Monday.

 Now for today! I planned a little meet up with some coworkers, and we ate at a food truck rodeo!

 There are food trucks parked all the time around the city and the nearby town, and I've been telling myself for a couple years that I wanted to eat at one --particularly Chirba Chirba. 

It usually sits on one of the corners on the way home; I even remember sitting in Tim's car, telling him how I wanted to try some of their dumplings, and we'd have to make a date out of it sometime.

Well, it wasn't a date, but 3+ years later, I've finally had some of their dumplings! The local food trucks parked all in a row and it was the first truck I tried --and it was just as wonderful as I thought it'd be! I ordered some dumplings called juicy buns, and they had some sort of savory-sweet pork soup inside, and I dipped them in some garlic sesame sauce that had orange and some Chinese wine in it. It was super delicious, and I think I'll try to stop by the corner on my days off so I can have them again. It was really fun.

Well I think that's it for now, until next time. x

Love, Lizzie.

diary day

I didn't think I'd be writing again here so soon, but I had a dream this morning and I'd like to get it out before I forget. It was a blend of missing my dad and Murakami and it was the most fascinating thing ever and I wanted to go back to it (an automated voice called me on the phone and ripped me out of it).

It was November 12 and I don't know the year, all I know is my dad was alive and walking and I was not young or 12 years old but myself as a I am now. We were at my grandfather's in the dark and there was so much, my Uncle in his fancy cars and some sort of nighttime picnic/family dinner/get-together and I was taking photos and video recordings because the me in the dream knew that the next day would be November 13 where he would not be lively and talking again.

But my family didn't know --and here my mind rationalized it as 1Q84. I was in a different world, one alike the one I lived in previously, but not quite the same (my mind passed over the fact that everyone was their present-day age, and not their childhood self). I remember taking a video of my father speaking --and I was reminiscing to my mother and sister, saying it's so hard to remember his voice, and since they did not know what would happen to him, I had to play it off so I could still be part of them --and I began describing his voice the same way I describe mine (which in retrospect is no way to describe my father's but dream-Liz bought it). How it's got a sort of unrememberable-childlike quality to his voice, and that's not how I'd describe it (if I could, it's been 11 years so I can barely remember what his voice sounded like, sadly enough). They believed me, I don't know what they thought about it. Nothing happened afterwards, it jumped to another scene, but I don't know if there was a sentimentality to the whole conversation.

And I remember thinking in the dream, this is my father. The real one. My siblings and mother are not the real ones. But the real ones exist, but they have each been put into their own 1Q84s, where the real Lumpy is alive and the other family members are not the real ones. And I remember grappling and accepting the fact that these were not the same siblings I had loved and grown up with in my childhood, they were different, but my father was alive, and I was okay with it, because my real siblings existed somewhere else --even if I could not see them again. They were part of a world, I just wasn't allowed to be in whatever world they were in. It was the "price" we had to pay to have a world where our father was still alive (I say price in quotes, because it seemed we did not get to choose this world or outcome, and there didn't seem to be any regrets about it, either).

It was the strangest thing. And there was a bit where Meggie and I were trying some new grey-toned-dove-grey-blue liquid lipsticks as if we were the real sisters and it was so strange. (There was also something with sharing food with a boy I didn't know --I feel like that was influenced by the party I went to this past weekend --meeting people and breaking away from the safe shell of childhood and the comfortable things I know, it was strange and the flicker of a scene took place in Chapel Hill).

But it's been such a long time since I've actively had dreams I could remember --and it's been even longer since I've seen my father in them. It was so nice to see him. He was alive and walking and laughing and running in the dark and I couldn't help but be okay with whatever strange 1Q84 of a world I had been thrust into. I woke up wanting to be back. And my dream-mind knew that this is not how the universe operates, he is gone, but with Murakami in my brain, it all worked out and I got to have a dream that otherwise my mind may have shut down before it started.

I remember having a dream about my father when I was in 6th or 7th grade, and I remember being on Butternut, and he said I'd wake up. But he was alive and talking there, too. It makes me sad, but it feels so nice to revisit him when I can. Even if it's just in some subconscious distorted context.

I'm glad I got to see you, dad. I'm trying to go up to Pennsylvania soon, in the spring, in April. I'll come visit you, and tell you all about it. All about everything.

Love, Lizzie. x

And my birthday month rolls in with thunder (I am a pisces)

Things have gotten a little rocky, but it's alright --things should never be smooth sailing if you want to get up and grow. And I'll be 25 in 13 days, but oddly enough I've done more growing in this new year than I have during the whole lot of 24. It's overwhelming but I have no choice but to kiss the early twenties goodbye, even if I feel a little robbed in doing so (it's fine, Lizard, it's fine).

The weather has gotten alarmingly warm for the end of February? As I'm writing this, there's thunder outside and downpours and my wine is no good. It looks like water in my glass and tastes like vinegar. No good, no good.

I'm currently reading The Bell Jar finally (I purchased it after I got my self settled in and down two years ago during senior year of college--and I've finally gotten to read it this winter/"spring"). I'm absorbing the book like a lesson, finding all the unfiltered things and pretty things and honest things and natural things and this is where I get stuck and can't get the words out well. But I think the book will be important for me if I just stop binging it --I'll have to reread it again and reabsorb it. Again. I wish I had taken a class on it --I feel like there's so much that I could get out of it, but sometimes my own filter isn't enough vision or have the peripheries. Although I'm sure the library on campus has plenty on Plath..I could find a thing or two.

I also got to read the first volume of The Girl from the Other Side, and the artwork makes me swell up inside, it's such a sweet, fairytale, slow story, but I love it to pieces. The only thing I wish was different is the 'harmful' 'weak' protective-ness of Teacher, but I still love him. Still. Maybe I'm just picky in the way guardians or caretakers or platonic companions are written. But I really do love him (especially with his arms in the fire). It really is a sweet story and I need the future volumes to see what happens to the hanger at the end and you should read it all, too.

Well I guess that's it for now, I'm going to putter about and drink my terrible wine and enjoy the rain. Maybe I'll see you 'round my birthday!

Love, Lizzie. x