Summers are for shorts (I think I've sobered up some since the last time I posted).

With the way my mental health and attention has been the past while, I've decided to focus on shorter reads, at least for the beginning of summer --just so I don't lose what I've tried so hard to get back to.

So for May and June, I'll be filling my head with short novels, books of poetry, graphic novels, etc. (I'm aiming for anything around 150 pages or less); & so here's a little tbr for you:

I finished one graphic novel yesterday/last night (it arrived in the mail, so I set down to read it right away). I had to force it down some though, so I don't think I enjoyed it as much as I could have --or else I simply liked the first volume more, I can't really tell. But the next volume of The Girl from the Other Side comes out on Halloween, so that's something to look forward to! (Also, with the walls, it's beginning to give me Attack on Titan vibes, only if you injected it with a child-like-fairytale-folklore-esque kind of vibe, and replaced the giants with black creatures & animal parts). I like the atmosphere a lot (a lot-a lot).

I'm currently reading a book of poetry on my kindle/phone --and it's easier to digest because 1. I can read it in small increments while I'm waiting at the bus stop and 2. poems are much easier to take in rather than lengthy chapters and whole pages and all that. But I also don't know if I should be reading Sunshine right now --I'm afraid it'll be a Bell Jar mistake where it clicks too much and sends me so far backwards --but at the same time, I feel like it's a way of getting it out --and if I don't read something like it, the feelings I've been having will only bottle themselves up, and that wouldn't do much good, either. It's a risk I've been enjoying so far, though. We'll see.

Next I've got Moonstone: the Boy who Never Was by Sjón, and I'm hoping I'll be able to conquer it. It's only 144 pages, and not all of the pages even have words on them (chapters always start on the right side, and the left is usually blank). And even with that, there's not a lot of text on the pages in general, anyway --there's plenty of spaces and enters so I'm not too stressed about it. Hopefully I won't hype it up too much for myself (it takes place in Iceland in 1918 or around there); it also begins with a "boy" (I don't know if this means teenager? Younger? Older?) servicing an older gentleman, so I'm not sure what to expect out of this? But the premise seems interesting and unlike what I've ever read before (it's about cinema coming to Iceland, where a "boy" must decide whether to use it as a means of escapism, as he is rejected for his homosexuality --or if he wants to face and participate in the world --there's also a volcano erupting at the same time, so it should be a fascinating read, I hope) --and this is where I'm afraid I'm looking forward to it too much.

I don't want to list any more possibilities (I just picked up a bunch of short novels this month and April), because I don't need myself to feel too overwhelmed or stressed about it. And I think things that come in three's are quite very nice, anyways.

Well that's it for now! Much love, love love love,

Lizzie. x

(p.s. I just noticed the color scheme for this tbr is pinks, blacks, and whites, and I am one hundred percent okay with that. c: )

Tuesday, terribly

Today is always tricky, always hard lately and I don't know why I can't seem to shake it all off. My head's been a mess the past couple days, weeks - - and I feel like I should say sorry for starting off a post this way.

But today this is going to be more of a diary.

Today I thought about my fingers. I compulsively pick at them; I can't hold a pen correctly because the nail bed on my right thumb feels sore from where I've bothered myself too much. My pinky is starting to bother me, too, but it's not so useful as a thumb so it isn't too much trouble. But either way, I don't want it that way.

And I remembered Tim, and how we used to talk about getting me gloves, because nothing else really seemed to work. And I know, and I'm sure he knew, that a girl wearing gloves around is odd and out of the ordinary - - would probably make me feel self conscious and maybe even a little ashamed (perhaps he didn't know about that, or I wouldn't have) - - but he would talk about getting lacey ones, or Antique-ish ones, just so at least I could feel pretty about it.

It's days like that, thoughts like that, guilts like that, that make me wish I could be x years younger to keep that kind of goodness and kindness and lightness that seems to have slipped out of my life. Where do you find another love like that?

I'm beginning to think that maybe I do sometimes run off and ruin good things, maybe all I can do about it is scream and tear it all down from the inside. I don't know what I can do with myself.

And that's all I've got. Love, Lizzie. x

may-be, april's gone

The past couple of weeks have been pretty messy, I'm not sure what happened to the adventure trend the first part of April had going on, but by now it's gotten a little...well, messy. There really isn't a better word for it. So now I'm trying to clean up & sort it out.

I still found some pretty moments --there were some walks home from work, some rain-filled dirt, etc. My mood's been getting low again; it was naturally taking that turn, and then people began leaving and others started being cruel and now there are some missing puzzle pieces that I'm just going to have to fill with something else, somehow.

I had some poolside dates with C. and A., which eventually led to my first bad sunburn of the season (it actually looked much worse once I got home, so I'm still a little worried about it, but it's healing pretty nicely). But I've been getting some mini-doses of pool water (it's been chilly still), and even though I haven't had the concentration to read, at least I've been getting some fresh air (which is just as nice anyways).

 

(A. and I also went out for slushies, and it was so nice --the last time I had one was prom night and it was just what I needed that day).

I'm going to make the most out of the rest of May --students are leaving and this city will calm down and it will be slow and easy and I can recover and make my moves.

I also have a couple of happy and hopeful things planned out for this summer (like a trip up to PA in July), so being hopeful should help me ride out some of these bumps in May.

I also decided to try again for grad school --I'm not happy where I'm at (which we already knew), so I might as well plunge into something else, even after all this time. So I'm going to go for library & information science --at least, that's the goal, anyway. I think I can make it work. (Well, I have to, really). I won't have a choice but to be the reliable, clockwork Lizzie I've always been.

Well, I think that's about it for now.
Love, Lizzie. x