a winter tbr

I've been watching a bunch of booktubers, and I'm thinking making my own to-be-read list for the seasons. I'm not going to overwhelm myself, and I don't want to set anything in stone (that sort of thing stresses me out and might be a step backwards). But I'm hoping this might be an exercise to get my mental health back on track, so we're gonna give it a shot. ✩

For Christmas -- (I already know my gift, but I'll still be happy and "surprised" anyways, haha), Meggie's giving me a copy of Murakami's IQ84, and I'm super excited about it, but really nervous at the same time. I've never read him before, and he's supposed to be super-duper wonderful in Japan, but I picked the one book of his that is over a thousand pages long (1056 to be exact), and I don't know why I would have done that to myself. I guess I should have looked into it before Meggie asked for gifting suggestions, but still, I thought it'd be something like 350ish..but it'll be fine, I have high hopes for it, and it fits in the dystopia genre, which is one of my favorites.

Next I've got The Messenger by Markus Zusak. He's the author of The Book Thief, which I've read twice (I should really read it again, it's a good winter book, too, I think). I read the first chapter or two of this one, and it's so snarky, I think I'm just going to love it simply because of the tone. I need to pick it up somewhere, hopefully the kitty cat bookshop will have it. If not, I'll have an excuse to go out scavenging for it.

Then I really want to look into the SAGA series. It's a graphic novel (not a manga, which makes this series something completely new for me). It seems really interesting, and the first few pages I've read on my kindle make it seem like the storytelling is gonna be great. So hopefully I can find this somewhere, too. I don't know much about it, I haven't really looked into the plot line --all I know is that the couple are from two opposing sides and have a little one together and the cover has weapons and horns and wings and I think I'mma dig it.

And lastly, I've got some Pearl S. Buck, because The Good Earth was very good, so I'm hoping to read Pavilion of Women. This one I think is on the longer side, too (I think it's 350-400, which isn't too bad, but the spacing and the wording isn't like Zusak at all, so it'll feel much longer, I think). But the story sounds so fascinating and elegantly femme kickass --the lady of the house turns 40, finds a concubine for her husband so she can take up her own hobbies and education, and then starts acquainting herself with an excommunicated Catholic priest..it sounds like a wild ride that I'm just going to love, I feel it.

So that's all I've got planned out for this winter, I'm hoping to get them all read by the spring solstice (so even a little bit past my birthday!). And I'm actually really excited about it, so I'm hoping this excitement sticks with me and sees me through. ☺

Love, Lizzie.

that building looks like it has light freckles

I've been meaning to make a post and I think tonight I will.

I've finally started taking steps toward getting out of feeling this way (although it was incredibly awkward, I go into a doctor's office with a digestive concern and came out with a paper for a behavioral therapist and an SSRI, I guess I don't see how bad it is until someone writes it out).

But I feel lighter, or maybe not lighter, but more chipper I guess. I hummed along to everything and made up my own songs today, even. Just like I used to.

I was walking to the bus stop after work tonight, and of course they have construction as they always do, but the buildings they're putting up, they keep them lit up, and my first thought was about light freckles, and it felt like a thought I would have had while I was with Tim. Like a thought that would have come out of a happy healthy Lizzie, not the one I don't like. I felt so much like me. And I kind of felt younger again too, like the world and life hadn't touched me yet. It was a really nice feeling to have. I don't know why I'm making this such a long intro to this post.

Vinnie came up to visit me, he originally asked Mom if they could pick me up since I had two days off in a row, and they seemed a little less than excited about it, so he just came up for a visit instead.

We went out & had food, some beer, football, and a walk around campus.

We even had a mini adventure to find Gimghoul castle, and we did.
(We saw a castle that day.
A castle.)

Life at home is still a chaotic mess, my phone was completely full of messages from my siblings today, which I still need to answer..but I feel like I might be able to handle it now, or at least try to.

This December I finally picked up some books, too, and read them. Burial Rites started it, I loved it, I loved the atmosphere, but it still hurt. And I have such mixed feelings on Bukowski, like..

But I'm hoping I can keep up reading, even if it's little things here and there, even chapbooks of poetry. Maybe it'd get me to write, too. Haha, just maybe, though.

I finally got around to new bed sheets, too, and they're soft and wonderful and oddly enough make me feel like I have some control of my life? As sadly strange as that is.. but anyway, I think a bookshelf is the next thing to tackle, and it'll be fun to decorate it again (just like I'd do before --I'm looking forward to loving the things I used to love).

This medicine might be messing up my sleep cycles, but it honestly makes me feel much better than the first one I tried, so I might just choose to live with it. 

I'm also looking forward to having a sense of memory again. 

It's so weird, trying to imagine who I was before. And feeling that way again.

It's the strangest thing, really.

Well thanks for listening, as always c;
Love, Lizzie.