that building looks like it has light freckles

I've been meaning to make a post and I think tonight I will.

I've finally started taking steps toward getting out of feeling this way (although it was incredibly awkward, I go into a doctor's office with a digestive concern and came out with a paper for a behavioral therapist and an SSRI, I guess I don't see how bad it is until someone writes it out).

But I feel lighter, or maybe not lighter, but more chipper I guess. I hummed along to everything and made up my own songs today, even. Just like I used to.

I was walking to the bus stop after work tonight, and of course they have construction as they always do, but the buildings they're putting up, they keep them lit up, and my first thought was about light freckles, and it felt like a thought I would have had while I was with Tim. Like a thought that would have come out of a happy healthy Lizzie, not the one I don't like. I felt so much like me. And I kind of felt younger again too, like the world and life hadn't touched me yet. It was a really nice feeling to have. I don't know why I'm making this such a long intro to this post.

Vinnie came up to visit me, he originally asked Mom if they could pick me up since I had two days off in a row, and they seemed a little less than excited about it, so he just came up for a visit instead.

We went out & had food, some beer, football, and a walk around campus.

We even had a mini adventure to find Gimghoul castle, and we did.
(We saw a castle that day.
A castle.)

Life at home is still a chaotic mess, my phone was completely full of messages from my siblings today, which I still need to answer..but I feel like I might be able to handle it now, or at least try to.

This December I finally picked up some books, too, and read them. Burial Rites started it, I loved it, I loved the atmosphere, but it still hurt. And I have such mixed feelings on Bukowski, like..

But I'm hoping I can keep up reading, even if it's little things here and there, even chapbooks of poetry. Maybe it'd get me to write, too. Haha, just maybe, though.

I finally got around to new bed sheets, too, and they're soft and wonderful and oddly enough make me feel like I have some control of my life? As sadly strange as that is.. but anyway, I think a bookshelf is the next thing to tackle, and it'll be fun to decorate it again (just like I'd do before --I'm looking forward to loving the things I used to love).

This medicine might be messing up my sleep cycles, but it honestly makes me feel much better than the first one I tried, so I might just choose to live with it. 

I'm also looking forward to having a sense of memory again. 

It's so weird, trying to imagine who I was before. And feeling that way again.

It's the strangest thing, really.

Well thanks for listening, as always c;
Love, Lizzie.